I've been feeling really frustrated lately. My ward used to seem so amazing. I still don't hate it. But lately I feel like I've been pushed by the wayside. I can go to church and no one other than my roommates will talk to be or sit by me.
I am not, perhaps, the most talkative person. But people used to at least say hello and ask me how my week was. Now I can go a whole month without many people outside my family and roommates saying much to me at all, and even then, my family is much more likely to talk to me than my roommates. Work feels like this too.
It bugged me all week that when I came home from San Diego last week, the only person who really talked to me all evening on Sunday was Becca. Hannah, my roommate, said maybe two sentences to me all night and made me feel like she wished I was gone again. One of these sentences was "Ugh, you left your light on Karalee," after we got back from Ward Prayer. Thanks for making me feel welcome, guys. Seriously. It's not like you don't run the air conditioner all day. It's not like I'm the only one who uses electricity here.
I am seriously considering moving. Which may at some point make it easier for me to get back into school. And I hope that I can get roommates who are on a more similar time schedule so I can get out and do things them, and actually see them more than two days a week. So that I don't have to spend so much time alone.
I hate feeling like this about my friends. They have been good for me in the past. But I am feeling very left out and ignored lately. It hurts. The friends who used to invite me to go do things with them have stopped doing so, and I spend so much time alone that it's really starting to effect my self esteem. I feel bad about myself a lot lately. I really feel like I need to get out of this situation.
I feel like it's really just my roommates and my ward that are getting to me though. I have other very good friends that I feel like I need to get closer to. My sorority friends have been a great comfort and example to me, for example.
I was feeling, a little less than a year ago, like I didn't belong in my sorority anymore. Toward the end of spring semester, however, I was called (because I am in a sorority run by the Church) to be an officer in my chapter this year. Over this summer I have gotten to know my fellow officers and many of the active girls in my chapter better, and I really have started to feel like this is something I need to be doing. That I shouldn't be giving up on it just now.
Sometimes it surprises me, the little things that the Lord does for me, to help me feel more like I belong. Like I am not alone. I am so thankful that I have the friends I have made, especially in my sorority, who remind me of His tender mercies in those times when I feel faint.
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